So the vast majority of your requirements are proper techy then Dave, i.e. not what the average corporate user would require? I guess that's why I have a problem with your arguement. If we look at the iPhone as a normal consumer phone then it is close to perfect for the average Joe in the street, if we want to compare it as a corporate device then your wish list of features doesn't fit the bill.
I'll try and illustrate by what I'd say if any of my users in the UK and Malaysia came to me requesting the following functionality in their company mobile phone:
-Ping/Traceroute/Telnet/VPN/RPC = There is no requirement for this outside the IT department
-HSDPA access to the web through my laptop (we don't support netbooks) = Fair request
-Ability to create a spreadsheet = Fair request although I'll want to see a justification
-Voice Command = Have your buttons stopped working?
-Bluetooth watch connectivity = Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out
-Bluetooth Stereo = it's a company tool not a toy
-Mapping software = Ordnance Survey sell some great maps, or why not buy yourself a satnav
Just to be absolutely clear, I'd say 90% (at least) of corporate users only want email/calendar, pda type tools and maybe some internet browsing. I can understand that the device doesn't meet your needs Dave but how does that make you despise it? Do you also despise the lower end smartphones or even just standard feature phones that also don't provide all of this functionality? It does just seem to boil down to your Apple hateboy status

, believe me I'd die in a ditch before I let Macs onto our network but you have to give credit where it's due and the iPhone is a great peice of kit.